Micah Jenkins never felt like she was good enough.
Though she was raised with Christian values and has known about God since she was young, progressively church and her relationship with the Lord became less and less of a priority.
“I found myself only praying when it was convenient for me or when I had a problem that I couldn’t solve on my own. I began to lose faith because nothing I prayed about was going the way I wanted it to. Sometimes I felt like God hated me. I thought that the world revolved around me and if something didn’t go my way it was God’s fault,” Micah remembers.
One of her biggest struggles since childhood has been her lack of self-esteem and a focus on what others thought of her above all else. These concerns continued well into high school and still troubled her as she made the transition to college life at Washington State University.
“This is the part where a lot of people would talk about how they got involved with drugs and alcohol and things like that, but I was too busy to do any of those things. As I got older it was more like I wasn’t pretty enough or skinny enough or good enough at sports. I was upset all the time.”
For a long time Micah felt as if there was a void inside of her, an emptiness she was desperately seeking to fill with whatever she could.
“I thought that a boy could fill it, so I turned all of my attention to trying to get a boyfriend. I was in a place in my life where I might have done almost anything for a boy. At the end of high school I started to realize that it wasn’t a guy that I needed, it was something else.”
Micah continued to feel like something was missing, so she began to pray about it. About eight months before she came to WSU, before she really considered it as the place she was going to spend the next four years, she realized that what she was missing was God.
“I knew that I wanted to get closer to Him, to learn more about Him, but I didn’t know how. I remember one night I prayed about it for about an hour and I was bawling my eyes out, begging God to show me a way to find my faith again.”
Last July, while Micah was at WSU attending an Alive session, she met Tannis, a summer intern working for Resonate Church.
“I decided that I would check it out when I got to school in the fall so that I could tell my grandmother, who had been bugging me about finding a church when I got to school.”
Micah entered college with the mindset that many college freshman have: this was her chance for the first time to relax, have fun and party. But attending the first on-campus Resonate service changed everything for her.
“I was overwhelmed with emotion. I felt like Keith was speaking right to me, telling me the things that I had been praying about for so long. I cried for the majority of the service, and it was the first time in my entire life that I raised my hands in church. I was reaching toward God and I didn’t care what anyone else thought about it.”
It became clear for Micah in that moment that WSU was where she was supposed to be and that this, her relationship with God, was the reason she was there.
“All my desires to drink and party were gone. After that, each service continued to build my faith. I got involved in village and the setup crew. Each week I grow more and more amazed at the power and awesomeness of God.”
Micah has continued to discover the importance of community in her life, and how it helps her understand her identity in Christ.
“A couple of months ago I was going through a really tough time. If I hadn’t known that God loves me and only He gives me my worth, and if I hadn’t had Tannis and my church community around me, I would have been completely crushed and depressed. Instead I am working through it with the help of God and the people around me.”
Last semester, Micah asked God to consume her heart.
“I told Him that I am here to serve Him. I will trust in His plan for me and trust Him to lead me in the right direction.”
The truth that struck her was the message that no one can get to heaven through good works. No one can be good enough.
“I thought that I had to be a good enough person to get in. During that service, I realized that I was already saved, that Jesus died to save me and that I am washed clean. There is no way to describe the joy I felt.”
These last few months have been some of the best of Micah’s life.
“The more I’ve learned about God and the more my relationship with Him has developed, the more amazed I am by his love, power, and timing. I have seen so many connections between events in my life that have brought me to this point. Even though life isn’t always perfect, I know that as long as I have God on my side I can get through anything. I can’t wait to see where He leads me next.”