Ladies, Let's Talk
By Chelsy Massa, Resonate Moscow
A few weeks ago, we read the failings of men and the call up to be who God is asking all men to be. Reading that as women we can (sinfully so) read that and think, “wow, we are killing it.” Let’s be real ladies, we are failing too. Sis, hear the following words with love and a deep desire for you and I to remember the unshakable truth God is saying to us. It isn’t the generational passivity first seen in the Garden with Adam, but the forgetfulness of Eve that leads us to live on rocky foundations of identity. How can I say this so boldly? It’s in every conversation with girls when we compare ourselves to one another. It’s in the way women often curate social media posts. It’s in the way we tear down through gossip and slander. It’s in the way we easily live into the world’s value of our bodies instead of God’s good design of them. I will be the first to confess to doing all these things, which is not me acting out my identity as a daughter of the Most High. You and I, have already been claimed, but work so tirelessly for a standard of perfection and control that we can never attain nor does God ask of us (this isn’t hearsay, read more). Jesus has so much more glory, freedom, and redemption for us than what we’ve settled for. This is good news. You are not unredeemable, sis. God LOVES you, so much that he wants to take the shame, the desire for control, and the desire to be perfect away from you. But why are we like this?
Genesis 3 tells us why…
He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. (Genesis 3:1-6)
We see Adam knew what was happening and passively let it all happen. Eve forgot. She forgot what God said, who God was and who God had made her to be. Eve’s forgetfulness is passed on to all women. God proclaims that it will look like this, “To the woman, he said, ‘Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16b).
When we forget who God is and who we are in God, we will desire to be fulfilled by men. I already hate that. But as history has proven God’s word it also means that men will sinfully rule over us - leaving us hurt, failed and unsatisfied by men. Is this not so evident throughout our culture today? How many of us have had a girl’s night, watched the Notebook, sighed, and begged God for a love like that? That is our desire to be fulfilled by man. Or how many of us felt scared walking down the street wondering if there was a man out to attack us? This is man ruling over us sinfully and oppressively. This is not God’s design.
Okay, but how is this our sin? Here are two ways Genesis 3 plays out in our lives, robs us of fulfilled lives in God, and prevents us from adding flourishing to the world.
Perfectionism
We have all felt the pressure to be perfect for everyone around us except God. I have also felt this, especially over the last few months, like my stage in life demanded that I be at a level of perfection that God doesn’t ask of me. He doesn’t ask me to be a triathlete with a six-pack. He doesn’t ask me to perfectly cook every meal with the right amount of carbs, proteins, and vegetables. God doesn’t require me to be the one to carry every single woman’s burdens myself. He doesn’t require me to be a woman who smiles through cleaning the house, caring for people, writing a perfect blog draft, while being gentle and lowly in spirit, while wearing the perfect clothes and amount of makeup, and to have my own mental, physical and emotional health all in tip-top shape. This is a man made perfection that we kill ourselves over. God does ask us to pursue holiness. But being made holy is not the work of our own hands, Jesus was perfect on your behalf. Stop. Working. For. God. To. Like. You. We strive to follow Jesus by being like him with the help of the Holy Spirit. This brings to mind the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10) . We should be like Mary content on who we are and in awe of Jesus sitting at his feet. Jesus says, “but one thing is necessary, Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken from her.” (Luke 10:42). But oftentimes we are Martha trying to live up to unrealistic expectations of worldly perfection that leaves us more tired and more empty. We consume the standards of the world - that are so fake. We chase the approval of people, we chase being loved by men, we even chase beauty standards that leave us literally starving and filled with insecurities. God has already given us the good portion. He proclaims us as beloved daughters. He has clothed us with righteousness, why do we keep trying to dress ourselves with the dirty rags of approval of man and works of fake perfectionism?
Control
Control is a human struggle. However it is unique to women. The opposite of having control is submission and women have a unique call to submit. Let me pause right here - we are not called to submit to every man. We are called to submit to God, our pastors and if you have one, your husband. If we look at Genesis 2, Man oppressively ruling over woman was not in God's design, but loving, self-sacrificial, leadership was. Jesus is not an oppressive King, he is sovereign, kind, loving, and one who gives us an unshakeable identity. He is the example for men in leading out and the example for women in submitting. Let me give some unique examples in the ways we try to control things. The way we talk about people, controlling the way we are perceived by gossiping and tearing down others. They way we dress, whether that is attention for men or for women around us. Clothes are powerful and we use them to control how people perceive us. The way we serve, we control how “good” we are by doing “good” for our community, our church and our neighbor, but oftentimes it comes out of place of control instead of the full cup that Christ can only give us. Let us remember Mary, she was content in sitting at the feet of Jesus. She was secure in who Jesus was and who Jesus was calling her to be. She wasn’t worried about what she looked like, what Martha was saying about or who the world was trying to make her to be. She was fulfilled by being in the presence of Jesus. Can we be like that too?
This broken world is not what God wants for his beloved daughters. He doesn’t want us to strive for fake perfection or weary control. We must remember who God is and who he claims us to be. Romans 8:14 says that those who are led by the Spirit are children of God. God already loves you and displayed it on the cross. He isn't looking for perfection. He isn’t looking for a tidy reputation. He isn’t looking for good work. He is looking for his daughter to enter his presence so that she may enjoy the deep fulfilling relationship he is offering you. Stop trying to enter his throne room with your “good works”--in the end they are just rags compared to his holiness. Our worth was stamped by the Spirit who came to dwell in us when we submitted our lives to the Lordship of Christ. When we cling to the identity Christ has for us, then we stand tall and live out of the finished work of Christ, out of the Spirit of adoption as beloved, treasured, delighted daughters of the Most High God. It is out of our identities as a daughter that we can live a life full of flourishing. How do I know this? Because anytime I’ve looked to ministry, work, school, friends, or even my relationship with my husband for value, worth, identity, or purpose, I was left crushed. Those things are not enough for me - Jesus is enough. He is all I need and everything else is a gift given out of his kindness to me. Ladies, we must must must cling to who GOD is and who GOD, alone, claims us to be. Everything else is sinking sand that leads us to pits of shame where God hates to see us live. Let us get out and stand on the firm foundation that Jesus joyfully is for us. Because he knows that he is our good and when his glory is fully displayed we are the most satisfied.
You are so much more than what man, your clothes or your Instagram says about you. You were purchased by the redeeming love of Christ. Believe that, build your life upon that truth. I leave you with this promise from God. I pray that it would encourage you, strengthen you and move you near to his throne where he waits with grace for you.
Psalm 91:14-16
Because she holds fast to me in love I will deliver her; I will protect her because she knows my name. When she calls to me, I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble; I will rescue her and honor her. With long life, I will satisfy her and show her my salvation
