Out Here Trying To Date
By Emmalee Scheid, Resonate Pullman
I’d like to preface this blog by saying I might be the last person you would expect to write a blog about dating. I didn't date in college, so I've treaded very lightly in the dating world since graduating but I've learned so much about myself in the process. So please don’t read this as an “end-all-be-all” of how to date in college or after you graduate, but as a helpful lens for your future dating endeavors.
It’s tempting to believe that our relationship with God and dating is conditional. For example, you have to first feel totally content in singleness, and only then, once you're least expecting it, God will bring someone into your life. I believe this thinking could lead to shame and a works-based ideology that does not reflect the heart of God. God, in His kindness, gives gifts to us. I pray that you have the core belief that God has given us the greatest gift in Jesus, a gift we didn’t deserve, and because of that we can live a FULL life with Him. I want to challenge the way you think about God and dating. Marriage and singleness are ALL gifts; my hope is that you would embrace the seasons of dating as just that, rather than believing we must earn it.
Dating should be fun! Can I get an amen?? You get to learn more about someone and see how you interact with them in friendship and as someone with who you could spend the rest of your life with. Since graduating from college, I’ve learned what the “non-negotiables” are for me in dating and continue to learn how to fight for those things. On the other hand, dating can be hard, but it helps you to learn a lot about your insecurities and selfishness. The good news? NONE of this is surprising to God, and you are going to be met with His tangible and unrelenting grace.
Like any normal teaching blog, let’s look at what the bible has to say about dating... Oh, wait… It doesn’t mention anything about dating.
Niiiceeee
But, we do have a few things to be certain of… We are called to love God with everything we are (Matthew 22:37), to seek after Him in everything we do (Psalm 119:10), and pursue His kingdom (Matthew 6:33). I know these aren’t the hard-hitting facts of dating that you expected to hear, but it’s the truth we have to remain steadfast in. If we stray away from those truths in the midst of dating, we could be subconsciously changing our standards or identity. Hear me when I say this: No matter our relationship status, we can be certain of the identity we inherit because of the Gospel.
So with aaaallllll of that being said, we have a responsibility to lead with integrity in how we date and have the other person’s best interest in mind. So here are some things that I suggest you put effort into when dating:
1. Date with intentionality
Does that mean if you ask someone on a first date, or say yes to a first date, that you want to marry them? Noooo no no. If that IS your story, praise God! If not, you’re not doing something wrong. What I mean is: dating is a tool that can help you evaluate if this is a person you could potentially marry. Marriage is a covenant that reflects the new covenant we receive because of Jesus (Ephesians 5:22-33). Your dating relationship should seek to discover if you could enter into that covenant with them. If you aren’t sure whether you are ready for marriage, consider if it is wise to wait or if you need to trust God in a dating relationship (easier said than done, I know). Take dating seriously, but don’t take yourself too seriously, ya know?
2. Be in community!!!(!!!)
Your community knows you better than you know yourself. If you are wanting to enter into a relationship, or are unsure, ask those around you. Ask a friend who is not afraid to tell you what’s up. Invite your community to affirm and help you in figuring out what your next move is. You are responsible for the outcome, but you should allow them into the process. They can hold you accountable to the disciplines that Jesus lived by and that we are called to live into.
3. Make room for Jesus
It sounds cheesy, but you have to remember that your relationship with Jesus is the most important relationship you will ever have. Dating can be distracting because you begin to wonder what the other person is thinking, how they are feeling, and focus on their life too. The person you're dating should be pursuing Jesus and should push you towards Him, and not pull away. God will be able to love you MORE, pursue you MORE than any bf/gf or spouse ever could. Turn to Christ as your ultimate peace and truth and allow Him to guide you as you date someone.
There are so many blogs, podcasts, books, etc. about dating, and they’re great, but ultimately you have to form your ideas of relationships and dating based off of God’s word. If you are not going on dates or in a relationship at the moment, learn the values that are important to you. Seek the word to form those values. Date to see if that person possesses those values and pushes you towards Christ. See how your personalities interact, ask good questions, and pray about what things you desire to see in a future relationship. Even if it doesn’t work out you will learn so much more about God and yourself in the process. Turn to Christ to lead you, and ask Him for guidance and courage in those next steps.
P.S. If you decide to date and marry someone because of this blog, I fully expect an invite to your wedding 😉
