You’re ruining your church. And you don’t even know it

Matthew Steltenpohl, Resonate Pocatello

I know what you’re thinking. That’s a bold claim… How would I ruin my church? Nobody goes home after a Sunday and thinks, “Hmm, how can I cause disunity in my church today?” Yet we know that people cause issues. We have the relational scars to prove it. But that’s not us, right? We would never be a part of problems in our churches. But how you answer this question will determine whether you are a part of building your church, or slowly tearing it down.

What is the secret sauce to build a healthy church community?

We know what a healthy church community looks like right? We want the “Acts 2” church that everyone talks about! You know, where they had “everything in common.” But how do we get there? And why don’t our churches feel that way? Paul gives us a picture of this in Philippians:

If, then, there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, make my joy complete by thinking the same way, having the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others. -- Philippians 2:1-4 

What Paul is saying here, “Ok, we know there’s encouragement in Christ in spite of hardship. We know there’s comfort in our pain from God. We know that each of us have the Spirit of God in us. If these things are true for all of us, then we should be a united group of people!” If you’re a Christian, then you bear the same stamp of Christ as the person sitting next to you on Sunday, or that girl across from you in the village circle. You love the same God and are considered the same family. But if we agree that’s true, then why is building a community so hard? Why do Christians change their church every couple years? This is where the second piece comes in. Paul challenges the Philippians by asking, “You want unity? You want health? Then stop putting your needs over the needs of others.” Paul is reminding us that we cannot start our days with: “How can others satisfy my needs?” But instead, challenges us to care for the interests of others. In short, be a Giver of community instead of a Taker of community. 

What is a Giver and Taker? A Giver is someone who searches for ways to give their time, talents, and resources for the good of others. Takers worry most about their own needs and because of this, hoard their time, talents, and resources. They ask, “What can this church give me?” instead of asking “What can I give the church?” Takers see issues in their church family and expect others to fix it. Both Givers and Takers demand sacrifice for the good of others, but Givers ask how they can sacrifice while Takers ask how others can sacrifice. 

To help put this into perspective, here are common phrases and questions to distinguish Takers and Givers:

Taker

• I wish our church would do something about this…

• Our church doesn’t take care of me. Someone needs to fix that. 

• Our church doesn’t reach people I’m passionate about. Guess it’s time to find a church that will. 

• Our culture has fractions. I wish our staff would make things better. 

Giver

• How can I help initiate filling the needs of our city?

• What does our church family struggle with? How can I help?

• Who around me needs to hear the Gospel? How can I be salt and light to them?

• This person wronged/hurt me. How do I take the first step towards reconciling even if they don’t deserve it?

Do you feel the difference? The finger of responsibility is being pointed inwardly, not outwardly. The hope for a better church is found in both Givers and Takers. The desire for unity is found in both. Both will face sin and brokenness in the people they lead and the people that lead them. But the major difference in these two groups is the humility to bear the personal responsibility to make it better even if it’s hard. 

So to loop back, how do you answer that question above? What is the secret sauce to build a healthy church? Paul answers that one too:

Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God,

did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death — even to death on a cross. -- Philippians 2:5-8 (CSB)

Did you catch that? “Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus…” Be like Jesus. Can you imagine if Jesus was a Taker? Jesus didn’t hand the world a list of things to fix and then take a step back. He initiated love for a people that deserved death. If anyone has a right to expect service from people, the King of the Universe is that person. He has every right to demand that we submit and do the work of perfection to be worthy of his presence. Yet, he “emptied himself” of his perfection to fill “empty people” like you and me. Everywhere he went, people were confronted with their sins and filled with the life that is promised in the Kingdom. Wherever we go should be the same. 

The reality is, we all are guilty of being Takers. My prayer for our churches is that we would be hyper aware of how we can follow Jesus’ example and become sacrificial Givers of our communities. That we would be humbled by Jesus’ humility to serve and die for us that deserved hell. That we would  love our God and receive his heart for his Church and the lost world. And ultimately, that we would initiate health in our families on mission.